The conventional way in which people view love within the context of relationships is through loving another person. What people tend to forget though is that loving yourself is just as important for any relationship to thrive. Being in a relationship without self love can result in a lot of pain and anguish. Self love may seem selfish, but it is impossible to have a truly intimate relationship without this component.
What do we mean when we say self love? This term has only been brought into popularity in recent years. However, it remains a difficult concept to grasp for most people. Self love is a trait that is meant to enhance the way a person thinks, feels, and acts towards one’s self. It’s also one of the most powerful tools we have to help us onto a path of personal growth and development.
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When people seek to begin a relationship with another person, they often gear towards adapting behaviors aimed towards impressing the person they’re trying to win over. This isn’t necessarily detrimental in itself. However, if this leads to compromising your inner beliefs, values, and personality, it paves the way for a harmful and toxic relationship.
Likewise, we also see perpetuation of inauthenticity, enablement, and self-harming behavior in long term relationships when people fail to love themselves first. This is likely due to the fact that most people would rather choose to remain in a negative relationship rather than facing a life of loneliness and isolation. Even when the option of leaving a damaging relationship is available, people who fail to embrace self love will turn a blind eye. They cling to the hope that the situation will become better or that the other person will “change for the better”.
Self love is integral to realizing self worth. We attract the love we believe and feel inside. Whether we are aware or unconscious about it, our thoughts and feelings bring about a frequency or vibration that is being sent out to the universe. Our beliefs are powerful, and if we feel that those beliefs are true, we strongly manifest that energy into the material world.
We are both actively and passively shaping the type of relationships we get into. Whether we believe it or not, our own sense of worth, value, and thoughts revolve around us. The love we are willing to put toward ourselves finds its way to the situation we are in currently.
We often seek love from the outside world, without first believing that this love is within us. The first thing that we need to ingrain in our mindset is that we deserve a love that is unconditional. Love is not an external emotion in itself, but rather it needs to start from within.
How many of us find ourselves in relationships where we keep seeing patterns that repeat from one relationship to another? If we talk on an energetic level, this is because our concept of love is not aligned to our highest good. Our concept of love is based on belief systems that we picked up, especially from our childhoods. We believe too much in past notions while hanging on to these belief systems, that we forget that love resides within us always.
When we do not extend self-love, how can we expect others to love us back the way we want to be loved? Has this question ever crossed your mind? Think about it…
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Ask yourself these questions:
· Am I worthy of love?
· Can I love myself without any judgement?
· Can I love myself unconditionally without being dependent on other people’s love?
· Do I feel love deep within me or am I seeking love to fill the void within?
· What is my purpose to be in a relationship? Is it to boost my sense of self?
· Is it proof that I am lovable?
When we learn to extend unconditional love towards ourselves, then we begin to believe that we are deserving of the type of love that we want in a relationship. We are simply channeling this self-love to the outside world. In doing so, we begin to attract that same love that we put out to the universe. As long as we first learn to love ourselves, that is how we can extend love to our partner in our ideal relationship.
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